I've mostly always had a belief in God, like most kids growing up I imagine have gone through what I did, denying his existence, all the normal things you hear people so, how could a loving God allow this, or allow that... One of the ones I've struggled with my entire life is my Brother Michael, he is a non functioning autistic. What that means is he cannot do anything for himself that a 'normal' person can, this includes feeding himself, using the bathroom, etc... those two alone should give you a pretty good idea of how severe his handicap is.
That being said I'm sure most people can understand how I might resent God, or rather resented God as I learn to let go of control and give him control over my life. Part of letting go is getting rid of this anger I harbor.
So today, like many times before, I am going to attempt to let God into my life and give him the steering wheel. I believe he can probably steer me better then I could ever attempt to.
I have a meeting with an HR rep today in regards to a new position, I'm honestly not even sure if I want the job, so that being said also... God I leave that decision in your hands, should I receive an offer for this job grant me the strength and direction and help me make the choice that best suits YOUR needs.
Thank you for being in my life.
Dan
Friday, April 15, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
On the wagon
Finishing up my 6th day on the wagaon.
right now life FUCKING SUCKS ass.
got into probably the most vocal argumentative phone call every with my wife. which didn't lead to any good at all. I called with good intent and she rightfully is full of resentment torwards me so it's obvious I cannot have a conversation with her without her feeling sick to her stomach that she married such an asshole and has spent so much of her life with him.
So i'm 6 days from sipping the bottle, throwing back a few beers, whatever the case may be, more importantly i'm 6 days closer to insanity.
I have jobs to do now, outside of my regular paid work and apartment life.
make phone calls read literature, this shit is real and the people are awesome but I'm scared and lonely.
God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as though wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I ma better do they will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of They Power, They Love, and They Way of life. May I do Thy will Always!
right now life FUCKING SUCKS ass.
got into probably the most vocal argumentative phone call every with my wife. which didn't lead to any good at all. I called with good intent and she rightfully is full of resentment torwards me so it's obvious I cannot have a conversation with her without her feeling sick to her stomach that she married such an asshole and has spent so much of her life with him.
So i'm 6 days from sipping the bottle, throwing back a few beers, whatever the case may be, more importantly i'm 6 days closer to insanity.
I have jobs to do now, outside of my regular paid work and apartment life.
make phone calls read literature, this shit is real and the people are awesome but I'm scared and lonely.
God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as though wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I ma better do they will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of They Power, They Love, and They Way of life. May I do Thy will Always!
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